Look at all that Potential!

Hi! Hope that all is well and on to Chapter Four! ... This chapter, entitled 'Great Expectations' is pretty straight forward but offers some good advice and insight none the less. Everyone is different in some way, and no one is ever just alike in there interests and abilities either. Our children have so much potential and it is very important for us to help our children find their talents and encourage them to use them to the fullest. It seems to be a very common story however, that parents push their kids to do good at what THEY WANT them to be good at, not what their children have natural talent in. Not all children will be good at sports, or playing instrumental music, or dancing, or speaking to crowds. And many times we all seem to have more than mediocre talents at many things, but these things are not what we are BEST at. As mothers, it is important for us to tap into what our children are BEST at and what they LIKE to do. Usually people enjoy doing what they are really good at. God gave us all a natural talent or talents! As our children grow they will also learn what their best abilities are without us pointing them out, but we should always encourage them in their endeavors. I remember when I realized that I was okay at basketball but I was better at other sports so I decided not to play after my freshman year. And then my senior year I quit the sport that I had loved most of all to try something new, which turned out to be one of the best things I ever did. Our children's interests will change just like our own and we should not pressure them to do something just because they ARE good at it or because they have done it for so long. Because they dont want that to be the main focus of their life, doesn't mean that they just flat out dont like it or consider it wasted time. If it helped them grow and gave them joy it was NEVER a waste of time. Karol lists four steps to help us recognize and develop our children's natural talents.
"Step #1: See the Potential"- Do not focus on our child's worst traits, or what they are not good at. If they arnt good at it there is no reason for us to PRESSURE them into it. Karol sugggests writing down any of the abilites or potential we might see in our children using the areas of growth including: 'mental, spiritual, physical and social'. Karol also makes the point to PRAY!! Pray that God will help you see their talents and that you might be able to help them find what abilities God has given them to develop and use. She also expounds on the point that I had made earlier... "An aptitude for the piano may offer your daughter a lifelong outlet for relaxation and pleasure, not a career at Carnegie Hall." Just because they are good at something and like it, does not mean that there are not other talents just waiting to be found and used!
"Step #2: Offer Opportunities for Growth"- This one is simple! Let our kids try their skills with many different things. Ice Skating or hockey if they might be great at roller blading, Dancing if they like to dance, Writing Club if they write well, Football, Theater, Drawing. If they want to do it, do what you can so that they can see if they might like it or be good at it. Just remember that we can only do so much, and we cant let our kids (or ourselves!) get burned out to the point we dont have an interest in doing anything. A GREAT point that Karol also makes is that we should not be worried if it seems like they are being left behind from their friends or other children they go to school with, for example, all of their friends are playing a certain sport and our kids just are not interested. They might have not realized that they might like it, or they may have realized that they like something more. They will develop at their own pace.
"Step #3: Set Realistic Goals": Realistic and measurable goals help us get to where we are heading. Set some goals with your children for what they might want to do and get better at but also be open to change. Help them think of ways that can help then reach their goal(s). Their minds can change in an instant! "Let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith." Hebrews 12:1-2.
"Step #4: Support Their Endeavors"- It is so important that we encourage our children if they do good and then they dont do so good! It can have a major impact on the person they will and are becoming. It has been found that people perform better when someone, especially family, is their to support them.


Jeremiah 29:11-13 -- "For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."

Sticks and Stones Might Break My Bones and Words Can Sometimes Hurt Me...

Well it has been a while since my last post and I have been itching to write the next one! This past week was pretty busy so it has been a longer lapse this time. Hope all is well for you! I will be talking about some of the things mentioned in chapter 3 in this post. Chapter 3 also begins the 7 Principles for being a positive mom throughout the book. The next 3 Chapters will be elaborating on Principle #1- The Power of Encouragement. Chapter 3 is talking about "The Positive Impact of a Good Word".
   We have always been taught to be kind to others, but many times we do not think about the effect that what we are saying could cause someone great joy or grief. Karol does a great job at elaborating on the importance of a kind and encouraging word, especially for our children! I like the way Karol uses the description of emotional "bank accounts". All of our children and the children around the world have one. The more positive things that we put into it the bigger it gets, allowing our children to become positive, self reliant and kind. If we deposit only discouraging things the bank account has no choice but to lose profit. Of course we dont want the accounts to dwindle so we try not to offer discouraging remarks, but also remember that a bank account cannot grow larger unless something is deposited! It is so important that we tell our children (and even other's children) how well they are doing! And what kid doesn't like to hear praise from an adult?! As mom's it can be easy to point out what your child did wrong and how they can do it right, or do it a better way, but this should not always be the case! Our children have minds of their own and we should always respect that. So next time they are coloring let them use whatever color they want! Its okay if the girl on the page is purple instead of peach. If we constantly put into our children's heads that they do everything the 'wrong' way, they start to believe that they cant do anything right. Karol gives four principles that can help our words have a more meaningful impact on our children.
Principle #1: 'Be Specific'.  It is so simple but very true. It is so easy to give out small compliments such as 'oh you look pretty' or 'you did a great job', and not that these compliments are bad or should never be used but elaborate! Tell them that you think they are pretty because they are nice and have beautiful blue eyes, or that they did a great job on that coloring page and you love the colors they used. Your child will know that you are really paying attention and not just telling them a general statement you tell others everyday. (Kids are so observant!! Today I was doing a funny walk into the kitchen and when I looked back Riley was imitating me! You never know when they might be watching AND listening!)
Principle #2: 'Be Prepared'. I am just going to use mostly Karol's words for this one. "It may seem insincere to prepare positive comments in advance, but preparation doesn't undermine the sincerity we want to convey to our kids." We can always reuse and reword comments, we do it everyday! A couple of Karol's prepared comments: "Your hugs are so special. Can I have one right now?" or "You did a fantastic job! Your hard work and preparation paid off!" I like to think of them, not so much a pre-prepared comments but rather as things tucked away to use at the opportune time. And most of them can always be re-used at a later date!
Principle #3: 'Be Creative'. I LOVE this one! Honestly, who did not love it when your mom or dad would leave a note for you in your lunchbox or backpack?! I remember when my mom would do this; it made me feel so special! Sometimes it would be written on a napkin and other times it would be a little note of encouragement you can buy at places like Hallmark and bookstores. There are so many different ways to let our children know that we are thinking about them. What creative way can you think up for letting your child know that you love and care for them?
Principle #4: 'Be Resourceful'. With this principle Karol suggests using things like books and movies as ways to initiate a kind word. I agree with Karol, the Bible has some great ones! Whether they are acting out in a good manner as someone else did in a story or NOT acting the way someone wrongly did  in a story. As you are watching a movie or TV show you can use things just like this to help get a point across to your child that they are doing whats good and make you a very happy mom!

Key point: If we compliment our kids on how good they are acting or doing, why wouldn't they "want to keep up the good work"?

Ephesians 4:29- "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen."

"She needs to sort out her Priorities!"

So moving on to Chapter Two... This chapter is entitled 'the secret to your success'. One of the main points of this chapter that really touched me was the message that we CAN say 'No'. I have always been a people pleaser, so whenever someone asks me to do something I have a hard time ever saying 'no'. This always tends to lead to a lot of stress and exhaustion. Karol points out that we NEED to have our priorities sorted out so that we can help avoid this. As mom's it is very easy to want to be the best and do everything you can for your kids, family and yourself. We feel that if we say no, we are letting someone down or missing out on something. But the fact is, is that when we overload ourselves like this we are losing valuable time to spend with God and our family. When we have sorted our priorities (and I mean really thought about them!), whenever someone asks us to do something we can ask ourselves 'does that fit in with what I need and what I want to accomplish'? If it doesn't IT IS OKAY to say NO :). Karol suggests thinking about all of the activities you do for yourself (workouts, groups your involved in, church, work), then think about your children's activities (school, sports, extracurricular activities). Then listing them if you need to so that you can really see what all you do everyday or every week. Do you even have time to think? If you dont then maybe its time to reevaluate what is most important out of these activities. Perhaps another way to look at it would be to see which activities benefit you, yours kids, or your family as a whole the most? I like to look at it that way anyways! Sometimes what I want and whats important doesn't go together. Last November I started working at a Country Club in Richardson as the Private Events Assistant. I loved my job but quickly found out that with school, Riley, AND work I had no, and I literally mean no time to breathe and my grades really suffered. When I decided to take some classes during the summer I knew that there was no way I could continue working and doing school and the same time. I had to decide which was more important and choose. It has been soooo nice ever since. (Not having the extra money stinks!) but now I have more time to focus on Riley and school and have a little time for myself!
  I know that I have my major priorities that are always at the top of my list but there are so many small things that creep up onto it that I am constantly having to re-evaluate. It is a continual process. But now whenever someone asks me 'can you do this with us?' 'Can you do this for me?' 'Do you want to get involved?' I ask myself is this in line with what I need and what my family needs. If you have time then go for it!! If you dont, then its OKAY! Just tell them that you cant do that without it interfering in the other important aspects of your life. Just remember, 'no' should ever be used as an excuse to shy away from a responsibility, or something that you SHOULD do but just dont WANT to. :)
Ecclesiastes 3:1: "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven"

Chapter One...

Well! ..Hope that you, whoever is reading this, has had a fabulous day! This is finals week for me (totally stinks!) so my head is overflowing with accounting and diverse workforce information. Bear with me.. considering this is my first real post. :) In chapter one of Karol Ladd's book she talks about how we, as mothers have GREAT influence and that being a mother IS a job. Not a part-time or just when you have the time job, but a FULL time job. I will agree with Karol in saying that today's society does not always see the need for mothers (or fathers as well), and this is so untrue! I love this from the book, "mother describes not only what we do, but who we are." We chose the job of caring for our children. God would not have blessed us with anything so precious if he didn't think we could handle it. We might be doctors, nurses, secretaries, teachers, CEO's, etc., but nothing is as important as caring for a family. A year ago I was completely focused on starting my career as an event planner. I knew what I wanted to do, how long it would take me to get there and what I needed to do to get there. Riley of course has completely changed my focus. Sure, I want to get done ASAP!!! I am ready for us to be able to get along by ourselves, but I also except the fact that things have happened that I cannot change which has slowed progress a little bit for us. I always swore up and down that I never wanted to be a stay at home mom. That was the worst thing I could imaging was being at home cleaning all day. Now of course I would looooove to be able to stay home with Roo at least for a few days out of the week. I get to do that now and I am dreading when I wont get to anymore. I love getting to do things with her and for her. There is nothing as rewarding as her giggling when we play in her tent, or when she runs and gives me a kiss out of the blue. Im sure all of you can understand :)
Below I am going to type up the 3 myths regarding mothers that Karol talks about in this first chapter. Maybe they will get you thinking!
"Myth #1: Genetics and Peer Pressure -- Not Mothers -- Influence Children Most"
"Myth #2: Motherhood Causes Women to Miss Out on the Exciting Things in Life"
"Myth #3: Being a Mother is a Waste of a Woman's Talents and Abilities"
Colossians 3:23 -- "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men.

In the Beginning...

Hi! Most everyone reading this should know me. If you dont, then you will at least know a little but more about me after reading this! The past year and a half of my life has been one of the craziest ever. I have experienced the most joy and the most indescribable pain I have ever had to go through. I became a mom (the best job in the world!!), got some experience as an event planner and much much more! But I also had my life turn a complete 180. I had to watch the person that I cared for most in this world turn into someone unrecognizable. I have been lost and felt alone searching for something to help me keep hold of reality and get what needs to be done, done. I think that we all go through things that to each of us is the most awful thing in the world. And I believe that to each person the term awful (or other terms like it) means something different. Not everyone has the same definition. I believe that God truly has a plan for everyone and everything, we just dont always see it. (Or it usually seems the case we dont see what we WANT to see). Life is SOOOOO busy! Believe me, I know! But through this blog I hope to be able to help others who are just going through the business of daily life, or who really need help just making it through the day. I will be going through the book "The Power of a Positive Mom" by Karol Ladd. She has some great advice and tips to be not just a positive and Godly mom, but also a better person. So if you are not a mom, please dont be deterred. I will be posting my experiences through each chapter week by week. If you can get a copy of the book I HIGHLY encourage it! And if you keep up with this blog at all, please post your comments, advice and insight. We could all use a little advice if you have it! I dont want to teach or preach, I just want to get in touch with moms who also need a little lift when it gets busy with kids, husbands, work and LIFE!