Sticks and Stones Might Break My Bones and Words Can Sometimes Hurt Me...

Well it has been a while since my last post and I have been itching to write the next one! This past week was pretty busy so it has been a longer lapse this time. Hope all is well for you! I will be talking about some of the things mentioned in chapter 3 in this post. Chapter 3 also begins the 7 Principles for being a positive mom throughout the book. The next 3 Chapters will be elaborating on Principle #1- The Power of Encouragement. Chapter 3 is talking about "The Positive Impact of a Good Word".
   We have always been taught to be kind to others, but many times we do not think about the effect that what we are saying could cause someone great joy or grief. Karol does a great job at elaborating on the importance of a kind and encouraging word, especially for our children! I like the way Karol uses the description of emotional "bank accounts". All of our children and the children around the world have one. The more positive things that we put into it the bigger it gets, allowing our children to become positive, self reliant and kind. If we deposit only discouraging things the bank account has no choice but to lose profit. Of course we dont want the accounts to dwindle so we try not to offer discouraging remarks, but also remember that a bank account cannot grow larger unless something is deposited! It is so important that we tell our children (and even other's children) how well they are doing! And what kid doesn't like to hear praise from an adult?! As mom's it can be easy to point out what your child did wrong and how they can do it right, or do it a better way, but this should not always be the case! Our children have minds of their own and we should always respect that. So next time they are coloring let them use whatever color they want! Its okay if the girl on the page is purple instead of peach. If we constantly put into our children's heads that they do everything the 'wrong' way, they start to believe that they cant do anything right. Karol gives four principles that can help our words have a more meaningful impact on our children.
Principle #1: 'Be Specific'.  It is so simple but very true. It is so easy to give out small compliments such as 'oh you look pretty' or 'you did a great job', and not that these compliments are bad or should never be used but elaborate! Tell them that you think they are pretty because they are nice and have beautiful blue eyes, or that they did a great job on that coloring page and you love the colors they used. Your child will know that you are really paying attention and not just telling them a general statement you tell others everyday. (Kids are so observant!! Today I was doing a funny walk into the kitchen and when I looked back Riley was imitating me! You never know when they might be watching AND listening!)
Principle #2: 'Be Prepared'. I am just going to use mostly Karol's words for this one. "It may seem insincere to prepare positive comments in advance, but preparation doesn't undermine the sincerity we want to convey to our kids." We can always reuse and reword comments, we do it everyday! A couple of Karol's prepared comments: "Your hugs are so special. Can I have one right now?" or "You did a fantastic job! Your hard work and preparation paid off!" I like to think of them, not so much a pre-prepared comments but rather as things tucked away to use at the opportune time. And most of them can always be re-used at a later date!
Principle #3: 'Be Creative'. I LOVE this one! Honestly, who did not love it when your mom or dad would leave a note for you in your lunchbox or backpack?! I remember when my mom would do this; it made me feel so special! Sometimes it would be written on a napkin and other times it would be a little note of encouragement you can buy at places like Hallmark and bookstores. There are so many different ways to let our children know that we are thinking about them. What creative way can you think up for letting your child know that you love and care for them?
Principle #4: 'Be Resourceful'. With this principle Karol suggests using things like books and movies as ways to initiate a kind word. I agree with Karol, the Bible has some great ones! Whether they are acting out in a good manner as someone else did in a story or NOT acting the way someone wrongly did  in a story. As you are watching a movie or TV show you can use things just like this to help get a point across to your child that they are doing whats good and make you a very happy mom!

Key point: If we compliment our kids on how good they are acting or doing, why wouldn't they "want to keep up the good work"?

Ephesians 4:29- "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen."